Quick warning, some of this can get kind of graphic. So if that offends, avert your tender gaze!!!
With that out of the way, the dream started like this:
I walk into my bedroom and there stands my ex-girlfriend, which is not unusual as although we have been broken up for quite some time, we are still good friends, but this time she has re-arranged my entire room. There is a couch to one wall and huge entertainment center at the other and big lamps in each corner and what not. Almost like a small hotel room, I guess? Real boring and stale looking.
I ask, "this is odd, why did you do this?"
She replies "Oh, so we can have sex!"
I of course go "Oh OK!" and don't question anything about the furniture re-arrangements.
She says "OK, one thing real quick, I'll be right back." and I turn my head to watch her leave the room.
As I turn back and look into my room, everything is back to normal and there on my bed, standing up on her knees, nude, is Amy Sedaris.
If you don't know who she is, she is a comedian who used to star in that show on Comedy Central called Strangers With Candy. Her character on the show looked like this:
Ouch right? But fortunately in real life she looks like this:
Better, but still, I never really found her particularly attractive, very funny, kinda cute I guess, but never really saw her in a sexual way. Sorry Amy.
OK, back to the dream. So there she was, nude and all, her hair was shorter though. But stranger still was that she was small. Not like a short person small, like maybe somewhere in the 3 to 4 foot range. Tiny.
But I guess that didn't phase me and immediately I get on top of her in the missionary position and we start fucking.
Well, sort of. As I was putting my dick inside her, it was very tight (due to her smallness I'm guessing, heh) and she complained that it was hurting. Being the Mr. Sensitive that I am I say, "It's OK, you'll get used to it." and began fucking her.
So after a couple thrusts I look down and I am actually fucking a lizard from behind. An actual lizard like you'd see when hiking, but very large, human size, and the scales were tinted blue for some reason.
And for some even odder reason, I still was fucking, I guess I couldn't stop the momentum even though there was a big blue lizard down there. But with every one of my thrusts, out It's mouth came gross blue vomit. It was pretty disgusting. So disgusting I guess because that is what woke me up.
Confused of course, but I was awake. Don't really know what to make of that one. Felt like I was in Naked Lunch or something. Did I inadvertently wander into Interzone sometime?
I thought about trying to find an artist or graphic designer to help visualize these things, but its probably for the best that I didn't.
Now here is a really weird part. After I was able to wake up a little more and regain some composure, I turn on my TV and flip by Comedy Central, where they are playing the Stranger's With Candy movie, staring one Amy Sedaris.
Spooky.
Any Dream Analysts out there want to try to grapple with this one?
ugh.
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